The Best Way To Manage Waiting For Your Adopted Child

By Holly Allen

The title of this article is comical as there is no best way to manage the wait for your adopted child. One thing is for sure there are lots of things you can do to help prepare your child and yourself for your adoption journey. Adoption is the most important thing that will ever happen in your life. It is the moment a child becomes part of your family, morally, legally and unconditionally forever. An adopted child will have experienced some kind of trauma and you need to be ready when they arrive. Newborns and older children will have trauma simply by the fact that they are not living with their birth family; and some children may have experienced poverty, abuse or neglect. Children who are adopted locally and internationally have come to their new family with a story. Their story.

We can help our children to transition into their adoptive family by doing a few key things:

• The most important part of adoption transition is giving your child time to grieve. We are often so excited to see our child (as most of us have been waiting for a long time) that we forget that our child is traumatized. Children need to be able to cry and we need to give them the space to do that.
  
• We expect our children not to be afraid and not to worry but they do. They are missing their loved ones and all the things that were familiar to them. Take lots of pictures of birth family, orphanage caregivers, foster family, extended family or anything that will give your child comfort. It is always recommended that you bring a piece of clothing, blanket or sheet home with your child from their birth family, orphanage, foster family or hospital.
  
• We can respect and honour our child’s birth family whether we have information about them or not. If your child’s family has passed away you can connect your child to their birth family through food, customs and language. Sometimes you may know the village, the orphanage, or the foster family where your child lived enabling you to gather information about times in your child’s life. You may adopt a child locally and find out their birth family was Scottish and loved to travel. This is sacred information and part of your child’s history. Any information about your child will assist you in the transition of bringing your adopted child home. Find out their routine and their favourite things to help them adapt to their new environment. Learn how to bond and play with your child so that they can become attached to you and begin to heal and grow.

A child is joining your family, so like all parents you start fixing your baby room, you buy a crib and learn about diapers and baby bottles. If you are adopting an older child, like I am, than you get their room ready or buy bunk beds and think about what toys they might like. If you do not know how old your child will be you may not be getting anything ready as you don’t know whether to buy a crib or a bed. Regardless, you are thinking about what your child may need. You may be asking yourself what does any of this stuff have to do with managing the wait, as my child is not here yet? All of the above is part of the wait. More than getting your child’s room ready you need to be educated about adoption. Attend seminars, read books, watch videos and read articles on-line about adoption. Subscribe to NACAC and learn about global perspectives on adoption. Contact your local hospital and child development centres so that you are prepared for your child’s arrival. Attend local waiting parent’s groups with other adoptive families or start your own. Be proactive and ask your adoption agency for resources in your area. Start a life book for your child. Take pictures of where your child will sit at the table and what park they will play at when you take them there. Also remember that you need to take care of you, so exercise, join a book club, play tennis or engage in activities that make you happy. Adoption can take days or years and waiting is hard. Having a sense of humour can help you before and after your child arrives. Talk to your friends and family and build a support network that you can rely on long after your child is home. After all adopting a child is just the beginning; you have a whole life to live with your child.